Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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