Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
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