Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
