YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
You work out of a Hotel?
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
