You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
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