I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
Randomize
