I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
