My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
Hey bro, did you ever hear from the background investigator that i was supposed to bang?
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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