dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
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