so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
