dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
