Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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