cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
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