I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
