I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Randomize
