"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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