The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
