He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
