Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
