he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Randomize
