He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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