And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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