She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I woke up and took my shirt off, and there was what I was assume to be pieces of tree in my chest hair. Any ideas about that one?
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
