Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
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