my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
