Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
