Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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