im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
