I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
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