He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
