You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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