So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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