We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
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