Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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