if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
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