I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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