my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
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