youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
