In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
