Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
