i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
