I skipped work to stalk him.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
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