i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
Randomize
