I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
