I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
