i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Please tell me nicole sent the picture of the ejaculating penis to you too, otherwise I'll feel really awkward
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
