The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Last night was just one giant freudian slip.
You made out with EVERYBODY.
Can I just bleach my life?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
