It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
