the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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