Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Randomize
