i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Randomize
