Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
